Midpoint Crisis

 

 

Yesterday, I realized that I am over 30 years old now. Actually that was not the realization but only a starting point for the thought marathon. The realization simply followed. Based on statistical data, maths would tell me that life is almost HALF crossed. In other words, it is right time to ask the question, "Is the glass half empty or is it half full ?" Give it another 30 and I will be the food for scavengers (Remember Dead Poet's Society?).

 

The realization was nothing but questions; strong, sharp questions.  I almost have that much life left in me what I have already had. After I leave this place, what will people recount that I created? It does not necessarily mean what will people remember me for. There is a subtly huge difference between the two. Words from Shawshank Redemption "Brooks was here" do not mean "BROOKS was here!" They scream "Brooks WAS here," don't they? 

 

Why was Brooks here after all? Was he here for something specific? Am I here for something unique?, something that I want lives after me to cherish, inculcate, enjoy, savor, think about, laugh about, cry about, and/or enhance themselves with. Something that even though no one remembers, I will be happy about it staying back after me lingering in the vast unconquerable space of time. Have I thought about that something already? Probably I will create so much of  that something which I aleady have in my 30 years of life. 

 

Sometimes, Maths can get simple and dirty at the same time.

 

Are you with me so far? Lets say yes. Now that something may not be a thermal system designed to perfection. That something may not be 100%  SI engine improvement. That something may not be an enhanced diabetes drug. That something may not be a new APP designed for Iphone 100G. That something may not be James Bond type cars we modified with our technical repertoire.

 

Well, it could be that as well.

 

What, great people we know, would have liked themselves to be known for? What did they want the world to remember that they created? What would Newton have thought as the best thing he put in front of people? What about Einstein? What about Mozart? I believe that something, is what we, ourselves know inside, or should know if it has to exist. That something is we should be able to point to and say 'That is what I loved creating and I would be happy if you love it too, you young fella from 31st century.'

 

So far, so good? May be some disagreements here and there. Thats fine!

 

The point is if that something is words, have I penned some of them down so far? If that something is music, have I yet struck some of those heavenly chords? If it is paiting, have I ever surprised paper with my colors? Have I? Have you? Because, if we have not, then we should better be hurrying! And if it is not words or music or painting, for the sweet God of death, what is it then?

 

Or the concept of that something itself is simply a creation of colorful and yet helpless mind? 

Am I doing what I am here for? Because the sand is slipping without making much noise. The bastard clock is ticking...

 

Or is it just my heart?...

 

-Shantanu